My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
