how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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