Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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