Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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