who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
