just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize