how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
