I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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