All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize