I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
