You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
