My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
