everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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