I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
