I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
