I CAN MOONWALK!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
