How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize