New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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