Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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