I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
