I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
