dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
