Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize