Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
