I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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