Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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