Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just want to make out with him forever
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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