low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can I color on your dick again?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
