The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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