Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you didnt know i had herpes?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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