What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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