Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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