Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
