Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
