IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
