i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
