I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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