i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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