i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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