between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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