He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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