Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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