I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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