after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize