ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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