NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
