He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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