Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
