True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
