that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
