i would punch a child for taco bell
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize