I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
