so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
