I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
