god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Tbh Iβm not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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