And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
