I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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