It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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