90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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