3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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