i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
