The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
