i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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