pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
