There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
