I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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