if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
