Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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