Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
