I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
