Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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