batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize