Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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