just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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